Alf

Alf is the Radioactive Uber Clan Spy. They claim he is one of the best spies in the world, able to "disguise himself" with "Near perfect accuracy" and able to "change his voice in any way".

Given how the rest of the RUC is, you can pretty much say he's not good at his job. s

RUC History
The RUC claims Alf is a "Gentle but Stubborn soul" who always values peoples lives over his and trains to be a good spy. According to the RUC Wiki, Alf has a daughter named "Elf"(How original) who was "Gangraped by Soviet Steve and Bern).

They also claim he joined the RUC when he raised a dying Fat Albert back to health.

Oh and they also say Alf never failed his job once. They also claim he's a Doctor Who fan and is a proud Cheondist.

Recently due to Project Equality they say Alf came out of the closet and is gay. The only reason they thought he was gay was because he literally accidentally locked himself in a closet, and when he came out, the RUC claimed he "came out of the closet" even though it's literal and not figurative.

Truth
The Stubborn part about Alf is true. The "Gentle" part... not so much.

Also he doesn't have a daughter. The girl he claimed was "Elf" was some random girl who walked by his house every day to go to school. He ended up yelling at her a lot and flipped his shit when Bern and Steve walked by her, believing they were raping her.

It is true he healed Albert(albeit very poorly) before joining the RUC but wanna know the real reason he joined?

Alf eats cats. The RUC has three cats(Felix the Cat, Garfield, and Pink Panther). You do the math.

He is also a terrible spy. That is for the next section though.

Despite his claims of being a Doctor Who fan, he doesn't even know basic facts of the show(The year it was made, How many Doctors, The fact it's a British show, THE DALEKS, etc) and even mixes it up for other shows.

Even though he says to be a Cheondist, the only "true" Cheondism he can worship is Christianity, thanks to Felix.

Spying
For the shortened version, Alf sucks as a spy.

He can change his voice... to a slightly higher pitch of his actual voice. Also even though the RUC says he constantly trains to be a better spy, it's been shown that he simply doesn't care since his disguises look worse than a cardboard Gundam.

One time he tried to disguise himself as a blind navy sailor who fought in the Vietnam War named "Fred Freddington". If the name didn't tip you off that this is a bad disguise, the fact that he's wearing Popeyes old, dirty clothes and his beard is hanging by one piece of tape will. His nose is also a huge giveaway in that disguise.

Anyways he was pretending to be an Elderly Navy Sailor who has a huge obsession for Albert and 4chan because "they killed his family". The way he ended up saying it all just further confirmed that he was just wearing a shitty costume. He was kicked out soon after.