RUMine

The RUMine was a mine that was discovered by Albert prior to the Crashocalypse war. In this bizarre mess of delusions Albert claims to have been running away from Mike who was trying to kill him, and then fell into a mine that contained all sorts of jewels and shit, and we're supposed to believe that Mike, an invincible evil demon who is hyped by them to be the greatest and most powerful evil who threatens the very fabric of existence, basically didn't notice Albert and his fat ass falling into a hole and simply left ''confused. ''Some bloodlust there. Really threatening demon. Greatest threat to humanity for sure. Doesn't even notice the fucking planetary sized crater that must have rocked the very earth caused by Albert's tumble. Nope.

So in this mine, which for all we know might not have even been a mine and more of a open manhole cover he managed to squeeze his fat ass into, Albert claims to have found a regular fucking El Dorado of jewels and gold and shit. So Albert told great Fuhrer Popeye about this and he sent some prisoners from the RUCamps to help mine these precious minerals. The prisoners are probably people they bullied (heroically of course!) into doing their dirty work for them, because such great heroes can't even do anything themselves, no siree!

Apparently the hauls they get from this expedition goes to various fundraisers and charities (all honest charities would probably take one look at them and refuse any donations and call the cops on their dodgy looking asses) and Project Equality, their failed attempt at being accepting to diversity (Except for those evil gay demons who must die for justice!). Chances are however, they'd just give all their money to Lady Tremaine. There's also some fanfic tier bullshit about holy magic in jars which I can only assume is just some grade-A shit they pulled from their asses. Not even worth mentioning except for laughing at. And yet it gets even worse when they get Count Chocula to summon THE SPIRITS OF THE DECEASED (these guys are heroes???) in exchange for them to be at peace... Yeah, sure. We totally believe this.

Now in this mine they claim is some sort of powerful creature that has been known to eat the poor souls they subjected to mining their shit. Now, any hero would undertake the task of slaying this monster before it kills any more innocent lives. What does the RUC do? Can you take a guess? Did you think they would go and slay the monster? No, they went ahead and sacrifice their workers to the monster to appease it, claiming it is a necessary sacrifice. I am not making that up. They literally just say "fuck it", give up and just sacrifice their miners to the monster. HEROISM. TRUE HEROES RIGHT THERE.

And they have the audacity, the nerve to claim they treat their workers well with an assortment of bullshit that any sane person would know are complete and utter falsehoods. Just like the work conditions at fucking RUCluckers. This article is yet another example of their how warped their minds are to think that the things they do are considered heroic. Fucking sacrificing workers to a monster like some ritualistic bullshit is NOT HEROISM. That is as far from heroism as can be. That is utter cowardice!

Crashocalypse War
Well, they say a broken clock is right twice a day. Some of us joked around that the monster that lived in the mine wasn't real and that the RUC was basically throwing workers into a hole, having them die on impact. Nope, the monster was actually real, and... actually killable. This is the thing, the RUC just would not give up going after Mike, the person they hype up to be the ultimate invincible demon demon demonic demon who can destroy universes by blinking, and yet, when it came to a simple monster living in a mine, they just went "Fuck it we give up, we can't kill this thing, let's just sacrifice our workers to it." Proving once again the RUC are lazy cowards.

more to be writtten